Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Dear Drue,

What a big day for you! I worried about a few things related to this day. The first thing I worried about was your outfit. I know, I know, that sounds superficial but it goes a bit deeper than that. You'd look cute just wearing a paper bag. I was worried because as I scrolled through the last 3 years of Reese's first day of school pictures, she was wearing a cute plaid skirt with matching top. I didn't find one that I liked for you. And I felt like maybe I hadn't tried hard enough or spent as much time preparing for you as I had for Reese.

The second worry I had was about crying. I wasn't worried that I would cry when I dropped you off. I was worried that I wouldn't. And that would somehow mean your going off to school didn't affect me the same way it had when Reese started school. In a few weeks I'll drop Tate off at his first day of preschool. And I already know I will be teary for that. I've always had one more child at home to care for after dropping you or Reese off. Walking out of his school without a little hand to hold will be difficult for me.
But today, I dressed you up for school, walked you to your class, got teary eyed but never cried, and felt strangely fine with that. And here's why: You are a unique individual. Your path in life isn't going to be the exact same as Reese's. You don't have to do everything the exact way Reese does. And I probably won't respond to you in every way the exact way I do for Reese. Would you have looked just as cute in a plaid skirt your first day? Yes. But that's not you. Not your style. I can't even picture you in anything plaid now that I think of it. We are understanding more and more your own sensitivities to clothes and situations. A cute collared, button up shirt, would have felt kooky on you and been uncomfortable. The shirt you wore had no tag in the back to rub your neck the wrong way. Plus, you picked it out yourself during our back to school shopping trip.
We love the special person God has made you to be.

You are not as emotional or sentimental as me...or as Reese. I think that's why I identify with her so well and can easily understand her feelings. And was part of the reason it was so upsetting for me to drop her off at Kindergarten. Because I knew exactly how she felt, and how sensitive she was. I knew that, like me, she wouldn't speak up for herself if she was wronged or short changed in any way. And I was sad that I wasn't going to be there to stand up for her if needed.
You, on the other hand, already have a little bit tougher skin. And you will speak up in a minute if something doesn't go the way you think it should, or if you feel you've been cheated in some way. You are very matter-of-fact, by the book, not as swayed by your emotions. And I love that about you. It's an admirable trait. I used to think you were shy, but I think you're just contemplative and observant. You came home today knowing almost all the names of the kids in your class already. And you will walk up to any kid your age or Reese's age and start playing with them.

Reese is starting to be a little self conscious and concerned with what other people will think of her(again, like me). But you already have a confidence that surpasses mine by far. I don't see you doing something just because "everybody else was doing it".

Yes, these first 6 years have gone by in a flash. I am already so proud of you and can't wait to see what this year has in store for you.

Welcome to Kindergarten Druebie!

Love, Mommy
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morgan said...

Awwwww! This made ME cry! I have loved Druebie and everything about her. Ever since she first started talking in her low alto voice saying, "Grapes!" This entry made me think about myself & how I am different from my mom. . . Like you, my mom seems to cry a lot. about everything. all the time! :) And I used to NEVER cry. Not at movies, not at sad stories, nothing got to me. I used to hold tears back so much that my eyes would hurt. But as I've gotten older, that has changed a bit. I am more emotional and giving into my feelings. So maybe the same thing will happen with Druebie. Or not. But either way, she is a beautiful, smart, WONDERFUL young lady and I'm so blessed to be able to love her and call her my cousin! :) (And Reeser and Tate, of COURSE!)

Kristen said...

And your comment made ME cry Morgan!!

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